"Avoid putting them in this position by remembering that one of the reasons that you get a divorce is so your children have an opportunity to see a happier, healthier relationship."If your kids ask for reassurance, don't fall back on this line — it does sometimes happen, but it's extremely unlikely, says James Bogatay, a divorce lawyer in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania."Don't make any open promises of future mending of your relationship just to offer reassurance in the moment.Instead, your message should be that both you and your ex will love your kids no matter what, and that people sometimes are better separate than living as a married couple.RELATED: What Getting a Divorce Was Like Every Decade Since the 1900s Having a martyr mentality puts you and your child in a position of weakness and can make them feel bad for loving the other parent, says Stacy Brookman, a parenting expert and author of Real Life Resilience."The children should not be made aware of what is going on, nor should the children be put in the middle. Sola, a family law attorney with Blodnick, Fazio & Associates PC in Garden City, New York."Further, to use the court system as a scare tactic, rather than presenting the court as a safe place where their interests are being protected and the judge as interested in their well-being only causes unnecessary anxiety and fear."RELATED: Why You Should Never Be Ashamed of Your Divorce Making a comparison in the midst of a divorce, particularly when discussing an attribute that you see as negative, can make your child feel awful.
"Instead, explain in age-appropriate words what the new arrangements will be and how they will continue to be loved and taken care of.Parents have the right to set the standards and rules for their own home but parents who are separated need to come to an agreement that will remain consistent through both houses — regardless of how you feel about each other as parents, says Kathryn Moore, Ph.