The first message was relatively innocuous, but the ones that followed became weren’t – he was making the kind of jokes-but-not-really that assume a greater level of familiarity between the two than actually existed.
Two people who had at least a passing relationship online might get away with tweets like “For my birthday, I want @gracespelman to follow me back”; from a complete stranger, that’s just unsettlingly creepy.
A close friend might get away with an impromptu hug or a playful ass-grab; an acquaintance or total stranger who tries to pull the same move would get a surprise visit from the Slap Fairy.
People who assume (or try to take) a greater level of intimacy than they actually have are creepy because they’re ignoring your boundaries.
They hear the various horror stories about guys being labeled as creepy for trying to hit on women at cons or approaching women they see on the bus or on the train or trying to slide into their DMs and then lament that there are no acceptable ways for men to hit on women any more.
Almost every time a woman shares a story about just trying to get through their commute or catch up on their reading during their lunch hour, there’s a host of men complaining about how this isn’t fair to their dicks.
By that same token, there are times and places where the social context says that says that it’s acceptable to approach a stranger and that a person’s presence is a general acceptance of the social contract.
As a general rule, the more successes you have – getting working phone numbers, first dates, second dates – the more risks you can reasonably take.The almost obsequious fawning in the message on Facebook makes it even more clear that this isn’t going to go anywhere good; sucking up isn’t a good look on .